Seems like such a great place doesn't it? All this information about the matters of the day, plus special diaries by great storytellers, personal memoirs and issue specific diaries to read. Others that coordinate actions to be taken to influence and even change the decisions of our political leaders, or simply make a difference in your own community.
One can get lost in all the bounty here. Many of you might wish to share you own stories, opinions and perspectives, whether by posting a diary or posting a comment to another person's diary, and that's a good thing. I encourage you to dive in and get a feel for the place and your own ability to contribute to the discussions that take place here
However, as like any other place on the internet, there is a dark side. Especially in the comments sections of our cornucopia of diaries. People snipe at each other. Friends break up over one argument. People write cruel and hurtful things they would never say to one another in person. And, of course, as in any open forum, there be trolls (and dragons) lurking about, determined to upset people with ad hominem attacks or waste your time in pointless arguments about trivial matters. This after all, the internet, and even among people who share many of the same goals and values there are always those who are determined to focus on our differences rather than our similarities, and to do so on many occasions in the nastiest ways possible.
Indeed, never assume that people of our political persuasion are better or worse than the general population. Everyone has their bad days, their weak moments. Everyone is capable of being sucked into the eponymous pie fights that periodically erupt on this site (and which have been around since the beginning of this site as my link demonstrates. And some people just like to cause trouble for no good reason.
So what do you do? How do you get the best out of your experience at Daily Kos without contributing to the worst. Well, this diary sets forth my advice, worth as much as that of anyone else I suppose. I have been a reader of this site (sometimes referred to as "lurkers" since 2004, and a full fledged member (diarist and commenter) since 2005. This doesn't make me an expert, but it does mean I've been to this this particular rodeo many, many times.
Here are few basic principles and practices which I recommend to make your visits to planet Daily Kos as pleasant as possible.
1. Show respect to others.
What do I mean by respect? It's simple, really. Do your best not to attack others as individuals. Before you post a comment in response to a diary or to another person who left their own response in a thread, remember that there is another human being to whom you are directing your remarks. If you don't know them personally (i.e., in real life) don't assume you know anything about them based on what they wrote. What they wrote might anger you, and you might wish to tell them they're an asshole (or worse), but reflect for a moment before pushing that button. Consider how you would like to be treated on your worst day.This doesn't mean you have to refrain from responding, but address the arguments someone makes, not their personal traits or assumed character flaws. There are many people here who suffer from emotional problems, economic or personal stress, medical issues, or trauma. Slinging the shit back at them just because you feel upset is never a good decision. When in doubt, don't post anything. You may discover, as you see these people post more comments that they do not always say things with which you disagree, or that they may actually have insights you did not suspect.
In short, be kind and be patient.
2. Avoid pie fights whenever possible.
All too often, arguments over trivial (or on occasion non-trivial matters) degenerate into long discourses in which various people are speaking past one other, and in which the whole point of the exercise seems to be scoring debating points off the other person, or simply dragging out a discussion long past its usefulness merely to annoy, disparage or upset other people. Before jumping into such discussions consider whether what you have to say adds any value, or is merely a reiteration of a point someone else has already made. If your comment is intended only to fan the flames, just say no. Really, there is no benefit to you or this community by piling on and making matter worse.If you do feel you have something relevant to add to a discussion, after consideration feel free to post your comment, but once you have made your point, don't allow yourself to be goaded into defending it. You've had your say, whether right or wrong. Don't allow your ego to run wild, and don't feel you have to protect your reputation or your"turf" as it were. Not every response to your comments requires a reply. In fact most do not. You can spend all day going back and forth with someone who insists on disputing your position, and what will you have you accomplished? Probably not a lot other than to elevate your blood pressure and allow your anger to get the better of you. Trust me, it isn't worth it.
3. Be civil.
Civility isn't that difficult a concept. Be courteous to others. Admit when you make a mistake. Apologize when you have hurt someone with your remarks, whether that was intended or not. Listen (which in this case means read carefully and thoughtfully) what others are saying to you. Ask questions if you don;t understand the point someone is attempting to make, or ask them why they feel so aggrieved by your comments. Give others credit. Be humble. None of us is omniscient. No one is always right. Acknowledge that the perspectives of others have as much value as your own.In short: play nice.
4. Deal with stalkers appropriately. Sometimes (and this is not a frequent issue but it does pop up) people follow you around on the internet, leaving comments designed to irritate or anger you, or make disparaging comments about you.What is the appropriate way to deal with an individual who you perceive is exhibiting stalking behavior? First, don't respond in the diary thread. It rarely helps the situation. The "stalker" is doing what he or she is doing because they want you to respond. They want to feed off the negative emotions they hope to create in you. Let others defend you. The less attention you give to a stalker, the less likely the behavior will continue.
If however, ignoring a stalker is not working, try sensing them a personal message asking them - politely - why they keep doing what they are doing. I've learned it is best to communicate privately rather than engage in a public spat. Often, the issue this person has with you can be resolved if you maintain a respectful and civil attitude. It is easy for some people to misinterpret what you might have intended in some long forgotten discussion, and feel they need to go after you based on that misconception. Once they know you are just like them, a person who feels and suffers, i.e., once they see you as fully human and not just a "name" attached to a diary or comments, they may reconsider their own abusive behavior.
If that doesn't work, then contact the Daily Kos help desk. Let them know you are the subject of abuse, have attempted to resolve the matter on your own, but were unable to reach a resolution with the individual stalking you. Provide the help desk with links to the comments in question and leave further resolution of the matter to the site's administrators.
5. Post links to support factual claims. This is a no-brainer, though all of us slip-up on occasion and forget. If citing an article or facts to support your position, include the link to the sites where you obtained your information. I know we all assume at times that the arguments and opinions we offer up for public inspection are "known knowns" to paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld, but that isn;t always the case. Obviously, this isn't a hard and fast rule (No, you don't have to provide a link to show President Obama was born in Hawaii, for example), but it never hurts to include links because they can often forestall complaints or other comments that are off topic. Besides, if you can't find a link to support your claim, that is a good indication your argument or position is weak or even dead wrong. 6. Follow the requests diarists make regarding appropriate comments. There are many times a diarist writes about a very sensitive subject, such as rape, discrimination or violence they have experienced. If they make a request regarding what comments are acceptable in the discussion thread for that diary, do the right thing and respect their wishes. Don't be a dick, in other words. If you want to behave in rude, crude and socially unacceptable behavior, there are many other places on the worldwide web where your urges to act badly can be satisfied.It is also not your place to go into their diary and throw charges around that they are lying or exaggerating about a personal experience. If you have a good reason to believe that is the case - i.e., you know the person outside of Daily Kos or have seen the same story debunked in another forum - then contact the admins at the help desk with whatever information you have.
However, and I can't emphasize this enough, don't assume on the limited information provided in a diary that you can ascertain if someone is telling the truth or is lying, because you cannot. You are not a mind reader. You possess no specific abilities or powers that allow you to know whether the personal experience another person has revealed in their diary is true or not. Assume the best, not the worst, on the part of the diarist. If their personal stories are lies, eventually they will be found out. On a few rare occasions, people have posted false stories or exaggerations, but those have been isolated incidents and usually the person who was posting those fabrications posted multiple diaries in which multiple inconsistencies appeared.
In short, you can only cause trouble for yourself, and pain for others, when you doubt the personal stories and experiences people post here. Everyone who writes about personal, intimate details of their lives is taking a risk and opening themselves up to unwarranted abuse and added pain from those who scoff. Don't be the person who is responsible for that harm.
7. Write diaries. This isn't a rule, but it is a suggestion and a recommendation. No you may not be the best writer on this site, but I'll bet you have something of value to share. Don't feel intimidated by other people who write a gazillion diaries a week (just kidding) or whose ability to write entertaining and informative posts appears to vastly exceed your own. Everyone started with their first diary here, and trust me, not all of them were that well written or even that worthwhile. Yet, over time people develop a voice of their own, their writing improves. Besides you may be a buddy literary genius and simply don't know it yet. In any case, you may have knowledge or experience that very few other people at the site possess. We need to hear from you about what you know and understand well so that you can lift us out of our own ignorance or misconceptions. 8. Join a group or groups at Daily Kos. Another recommendation. Even of you aren't a great writer, or simply have no desire to post diaries, you may have particular issues that matter a great deal to you, such as the environment, income inequality, 2nd amendment issues, racism, your state's politics, etc. Find groups that are dedicated to your issues and subscribe to them. It's a good way to find the diaries that matter most to you and avoid those in which your interest is not as strong. Just find a group that shares your values or interests and click on the "follow" button. Then when you are at your individual home page those diaries will pop-up in your diary feed.In addition to groups dedicated to specific issues or communities within Daily Kos (Black Kos, is but one representative example), there are groups dedicated to books, activism, science, history, gardening, and even dogs and cats (pooties and woozles to the initiated). You can find almost a group for almost anything here that interests you. Take advantage of those opportunities.
In you wish to be more active, simply submit a request to join the group and most likely you will be accepted as a member.
You control your own experience at Daily Kos. You can make it an ugly, unpleasant one, or you can choose to make it one in which you can acquire knowledge, interact in useful ways with other like minded people, and participate in Democratic politics and progressive activism, or simply enjoy the many talented writers and individuals who are members here. Hopefully, a little of what I wrote above will ring true for you and be a guide to avoid the pitfalls and negativity that on occasion - as with any other internet site like this - rears its ugly head to howl at the moon.
Good luck.